In this article, we will examine in detail what love is all about; its spiritual-intellectual, psychological, emotional, and mental importance that is intimately aligned with spiritual-emotional-physical-mental health, which signifies that through the appropriate adjustments of the alignment of the spiritual-emotional, psychological-physical, and spiritual-mental axes:
Someone can achieve and maintain success and meanwhile be able to find happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction in the purpose and meaning of life and become confident of being wholeheartedly in the right place at the right time, enabling the achievement of a deeper spiritual understanding of life, spiritual empowerment and upliftment according to Plato’s ladder of love which represents the path of love as an ascent from, initially, pure physical attraction to, finally, love of divinity.
We might require a new approach or a new philosophy of love, in effect.
An in-depth review of topics such as:
|The Two Primary Feelings and Emotions|
|Love vs. Fear of Love|
|The Significance of Love in Reality Creation|
|The Three Levels of Love Equilibrium|
|Definition of Spiritual – Emotional Love Equilibrium|
|Definition of Love – In-Love Equilibrium|
|Definition of Spiritual – Mental Love Equilibrium|
|Definition of Bliss or Blishfull Love Equilibrium|
|A Gradual Shift From Desire and Empathy to Compassion and Care|
|What Are The Types or Stages of Love?|
|What Is The Ladder of Love?|
|How Spiritual-Emotional Love Equilibrium Is Sustained?|
|PS. Important remarks and examples of the main concepts for better understanding|
The Two Primary Feelings and Emotions
“Deep down, at our cores, there are only one core feeling and one core emotion: love (bid to help) and fear of love (ask for help)”
Love is a primary feeling and fear (of love) is a primary emotion in humans. All other feelings and emotions exist under these two primary feelings and emotions: either love as an emotion comes from a place of fear or a place of love. Love as a feeling rages from selfish to selfless love and fear (of love) rages from fearful to fearless love. Any other feelings and emotions lay in between.
- Love and fear (of love) are opposing and not opposites.
- Sensational stimuli are processed by the cognitive mechanisms that generate the appropriate mixture of positive affective stimuli (love) and negative affective stimuli (fear of love).
- Love and fear (of love) are dualities; a balanced interaction of opposite and competing forces by providing and accepting help.
- Love is a gut feeling; an instinct; an inborn impulse or motivation; an active force; an instinctive feeling; a mental state that is unleashed by the senses; a positive affective stimulus that triggers feelings of joy, and pleasure; a cause for change.
- Positive affective stimuli range from selfish love, which tends to prioritize one’s desires and needs above the needs and desires of their partner and the relationship to selfless or true love, which is about sacrificing everything for another and accepting the other without judgment.
- Fear (of love) is an emotion; an idea; a reactive force; a mental state brought on by neurophysiological change; an intuitive emotion distinguished from reasoning or knowledge; a negative affective stimulus that triggers emotions of fear and displeasure.
- Negative affective stimuli range from fearful love which is a threat to our physical, emotional, or psychological well-being to fearless or self-love which is a genuine relationship that is not dominated by the ego.
- Fear of Love is an illusion; a false idea or belief; a state of experiencing; a misinterpreted perception of a sensory experience; or a misleading image presented to the vision.
Opposing means to be in conflict or competition with something.
The opposite is something completely different of a contrary kind e.g. the opposite of yes is no.
Love breeds positive feelings like joy, peace, and satisfaction. Fear of love breeds negative emotions like anger, guilt, and sadness.
“Duality means the quality or state of having two different forces or elements love (bid to help) and fear of love (ask for help) which coexist in a balanced interaction in order to create spititual-emotional closeness”
In opposition, when we’re in a state of inner balanced interaction of competing forces we can also be in a place of love and fear of love at the same time interchangeably (as the two sides of the same coin – the principle of duality).
“Fear of love is not the absence of love. Like eros and sadness, love and fear of love are dualities that live in the same chamber of the heart. When we feel love, fear of love will rear its head”
But why do people find it difficult to accept intense affection and appreciation? Some of them think that they are not worthy of being loved. Others have been hurt so much in love that they are afraid to open up again and deal wholeheartedly with another person. Everyone has created protective armor to protect themselves from being injured again. But love requires spiritual and emotional closeness and it only works when you take off your armor.
“The degree of the level or stage of love depends directly on the density of the oposite fear of love”
Since you can feel either love or fear of love at the same time, you are going to have to actively or consciously choose one or the other. However, since many of us would likely rather be consciously in a place of love rather than a place of fear of love, we have to consciously act to be in that place, no matter what we choose.
Love vs. Fear of Love
Humanity doesn’t completely understand what love is about (especially spiritual love as the actual source and the end course of love) because it hasn’t fully experienced it yet; that’s why any explanation is partially correct or incomplete; love however is perceived as worth, while help is perceived as it’s valued, based mostly on the belief system of an individual.
In addition, humanity hasn’t really realized that fear of love constitutes a necessary step as a trial that has to be overcome (it’s actually the first and most significant step) toward the fulfillment of ourselves on the ladder of love that reflects the desire to complete ourselves by finding the long-lost “other half”.
To experience love and happiness means:
- to feel free to offer love to others (bid to love) that actually means (bid to help) through self-reflection by being in a state of being free of fear, brave, or fearless (self-reflection curve).
- to be free to accept help from others (ask for help) through self-conceptualization by being selfless and concerned more about your own needs [self-conceptualization curve meeting with self-reflection curve at the equilibrium point (1)].
- fear of love means to feel neither free to offer love or help nor to accept help by being selfish and fearful at the same time and refers to a mental blockage of the procedure or spiritual-emotional distantness – instead of closeness – through polarization at the edges, leading obviously to paralysis.
- to qualify to provide love and help to others (demand help as a reward for giving love and help) through the self-satisfaction curve (dealing with difficult emotions of fear of rejection) and
- to be response-able to return back help as a reward for the love you receive from others (supply help in return for the help provided) through self-fulfillment curve [dealing with overflowing feelings of love and acceptance meeting with self-satisfaction curve at the equilibrium point (2)].
- Inner peace means being in a state of experiencing happiness [(self-satisfaction through self-actualization which is: the complete realization of one’s potential, and the full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life) and contentment (self-fulfillment through self-imagination which is the imagination of an event from a personal perspective) at the same time [supply-demand equilibrium, love-in-love equilibrium, or self-actualization – self-imagination equilibrium point (3)].
- This equilibrium point of self-actualization – self-imagination (3), finally coincides with both the self-reflection – self-conceptualization equilibrium point (1), and the self-satisfaction – self-fulfillment equilibrium point (2).
Inner peace or the equilibrium point of self-actualization – self-imagination as a response-ability reflects the basic principle of the golden mean, (laid down by Aristotle) that focuses on moderation or striving for a balance throughout the desirable middle ground between two extremes one of excess and one of deficiency.
According to the principle, you should aim for the causes and motives and understand how they relate to every situation, instead of looking for the effects of your actions-reactions, and handle the situation internally than externally by utilizing a more proactive and not reactive approach.
On the other hand, what would our lives be like if we were never afraid of anything? What risk would we take? The fear of love holds us back, many people do not realize how much they held them back until they reached the end of their lives – and until then, it may be too late to do anything about it.
Understanding these great ideas about love, fear and the fear of love can motivate us to work to stay consciously in a place of love. Learning how to design our thoughts and lives to keep us in this place is important for anyone who wants to live a life of meaning and fulfillment.
Reason does not contrast love and the fear of love at odds with each other—and neither does the dictionary.
Actually, the fear itself isn’t a sign of negativity or weakness but a sign of how much we care. In a way, fear can deepen joy, passion, and love, if we learn how to find the courage to act in spite of it.
Rather, when people think of the opposite of love, they are probably thinking of dislike, disgust, or perhaps the most common of all, hate. And when they think the opposite of fear, they think of courage, bravery, or fearlessness.
Keeping these big ideas in mind, we can start to break down what it looks like to choose either love or fear of love in our daily lives. Here, in this article are some ways love versus fear of love manifests itself in the real world.
“Fear of love destroys. Love creates”
When we’re afraid of something, we’re more likely to tear it down or throw it away. Coming from a place of love, however, encourages us to create, build, or add. If your project or your work gets rejected, you might be afraid to try again and nothing will happen as a result. Conversely, if you truly love your work, you’re more likely to make some adjustments and try again until you succeed.
“Fear of love tightens. Love releases”
If you’re afraid of losing something, you might tighten your grip on it. If you truly love it, however, you’re willing to let it go if you need to. Parents learn this lesson as their children grow up and prepare to leave home. Tightening your “grip” on your children, out of fear, will be stressful for both the child and you, but releasing them with love will help them feel encouraged and supported, and will bring you more peace as a parent.
“Fear of love breeds domination. Love breeds cooperation”
When someone is afraid of losing control, it’s easy for them to become domineering. Love, on the other hand, breeds cooperation. Loving couples are more likely to work together to create a life and a home that both of them are happy with. But if one or both of the parties starts to live in fear, they may start acting dominant as a way of exerting control.
If we do not love ourselves, why anyone else? Rejection of self acts as negative hypnosis: the more negative beliefs, the stronger your self-doubt. Before you can form a close bond with another person, you must first understand the most important that is saving the relationship in your life and most and foremost the relationship with yourself.
“Love is dynamic and requires action to thrive. Fear of love hesitates”
Love is dynamic and requires action to thrive. While it is nice to be loved by someone else, each of us can only really feel loving feelings for another person and not that person’s emotions for us. To connect with and sustain these loving feelings within us, we must take loving actions. Otherwise, we may live in a fantasy.
Fear of emotional closeness is characterized by the fact that people need more and more distance as a relationship becomes closer. This situation may sound familiar to you: You want nothing more than a happy partnership. But instead of committing, you hesitate. Fear of being hurt or overwhelmed by your emotions. And instead of looking for a solution, you leave each time, you find it a little harder to relate to another person. And at some point, you doubt that you can accept love and open your heart.
Fear often keeps us from doing things we otherwise really want to do. Love, on the other hand, pushes us toward those goals and encourages us to act to make our dreams a reality. In addition, scientists find evidence that human beings are born with an innate desire to help others.
Deep in our hearts, we humans long for true and unconditional love. At the same time, many people are close to their inner selves. They lock their hearts with heavy locks and do not give others a chance to find the keys to their heart. These people have a hard time accepting the love they want so much. Sometimes they do not even recognize that it is right in front of them, because love is everywhere.
Thoughts like “nobody wants to be with me” are in their minds. And although they do not have this feeling on purpose, of course, it always brings back moments when they could be happy. Self-doubt ultimately leads to stress, because when someone else shows you that he loves you, you wonder if something is wrong. This increases your fear of being hurt, frustrated, or exploited.
Love is positive. It is proactive. It looks at the goal and says, “Yes, we can do that. Let’s get going.” It involves the love of the goal, love of yourself, and love of the steps you’ll need to take to get there. You move toward the goal, ready and willing to face whatever challenges appear along the way.
Fear of love is negative. It is reactive. It looks at the goal and says, “No, we can’t do that. Let’s get away.” When you’re fearful, you fear that your goal isn’t achievable, that you aren’t capable, or that your plan couldn’t possibly get you to where you want to go. So, instead of moving toward the goal, you move away from it. So you finally convince yourself that the goal isn’t worth the effort.
The Significance of Love in Reality Creation
Reality is a state of having substance or existence by equating the Equality Principle through Analytical thinking as an Effect (Fear of Love as a reaction force as opposed to action), with the Equivalence Principle through Critical thinking as a Cause (Love as an idealistic, notional idea or action force).
A Critical way of thinking or Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing as a guide to a possible action towards the best solutions to a problem (by understanding the circumstances that a thinker is aware of) through the logical connection between a concept and an idea (that is the identification of the problem and nature of a problem itself).
Analytical way of thinking or Analytical thinking is the intellectual ability to extract and process key information from data, verify the causes and develop workable solutions (provable solutions) for the problem identified, assessment of the effects (actual results), and implement solutions (actual solutions).
The Equivalence Principle equates Inertial mass as a qualitative measure (a condition) to Gravitational mass as a quantitative measure (a property, quality, or characteristic) that is to turn or equate an emotion to a feeling such as fear of love to love.
Inertial mass is the mass of a body as determined by the second law of motion from the acceleration of the body when it is subjected to a force that is not due to gravity.
Gravitational is the mass of a body determined by its response to the force of gravity and is measured by comparing the force of gravity of an unknown mass to the force of gravity of a known mass. Inertial mass is found by applying a known force to an unknown mass, measuring the acceleration, and applying Newton’s Second Law, a = F/m.
- Weight is different from mass. Weight (W) is the force of gravity exerted on an object.
- Mass is a measure of the inertia of the object (i.e. how much it resists changes in velocity).
- Velocity is the speed at which something moves in one direction.
The higher the value of gravitational force the higher the weight and speed/velocity; they are directly proportional to each other. A change in velocity is actually a change in energy and a change in weight.
The Equality Principle requires that equal situations are treated equally and unequal situations differently. Failure to do so will amount to discrimination unless a subjective or an objective and reasonable justification exists.
Duality Principle = Equivalence Principle = Equality Principle (Reality)
Duality Principle (Spiritual – Emotional Love Equilibrium): Inertial mass * Love (Acceleration as an Action Force) = Gravitational mass * Fear of Love (Intensity of the Gravitational Field as a Reaction Force)
Equivalence Principle (Psychological – Physical Love Equilibrium): Cause as a Principle (Make something happen) = Effect as a Consequence (a Result)
Equality Principle (Spiritual – Mental Love Equilibrium): [Inertial mass * Love = Cause as a Principle (Treated equally through subjective and reasonable justification)] = [Gravitational mass * Fear of Love = Effect as a Consequence (Treated equally through objective and reasonable justification)]
- Duality Principle: Inertial mass = Gravitational mass
- Inertial mass (Qualitative measure) = Gravitational mass (Quantitative measure)
- Inertia = property of matter (attribute, quality, or characteristic)
- Gravity: The force that attracts a body towards the center of the earth or towards any other physical matter having mass.
- Mass: The Measure of inertia or gravity is a fundamental property of all matter; it is in effect the resistance that a body of matter offers to a change in its speed or position upon the application of a force (the greater the mass of a body the smaller the change produced by an applied force).
- Velocity is the speed at which something moves in one direction and it’s defined as the distance traveled divided by the time taken; it is represented as m/s or cm/s.
- Weight is dependent on gravitational force.
The Three Levels of Love Equilibrium
The mystery behind the spiritual world is difficult to comprehend when we use worldly wisdom. However, we can see that spirit has a plan to save us from any situation that we may find ourselves in through serial love levels in steps, or stages towards spiritual-mental love of the higher self as a superior spiritual goal where true love (foresight) is perfectly aligned with self-love (insight):
- Spiritual – Emotional Love Equilibrium or Self-conceptualization – Self-reflection equilibrium point 1 (Based on the Duality Principle)
- Psychological – Physical Love Equilibrium or Self-satisfaction – Self-fulfillment equilibrium point 2 (Based on the Equivalence Principle)
- Spiritual – Mental Love Equilibrium or Self-actualization – Self-imagination equilibrium point 3 (Based on the Equality Principle)
The mechanism behind the constant adjustment of the alignment of the above levels or stages is Love – In Love Equilibrium point by giving and receiving love.
Definition of Spiritual – Emotional Love Equilibrium
Spiritual-Emotional Love Equilibrium is a state of adjustment between opposing or divergent influences or elements such as strong feelings of love and intense emotions of fear that are either static (as in a mind acted on by forces whose resultant is zero – by being in a state from selfish to selfless or true love and from fearful to fearless or self-love ) or dynamic as action-reaction forces (as in a reversible chemical reaction when the rates of reaction in both directions are equal).
Spiritual-Emotional Love Equilibrium is a state of intellectual or emotional balance due to the equal action of opposing pair of forces such as spiritual or intellectual – emotional, and psychological – physical. The sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind — compare death instinct.
To grow spiritually, you must have equilibrium within. Spirit leads to your spiritual body and then to the emotional body through the soul. Your soul finally leads to your psychological and then to the physical body. In this alignment, you operate in peace through spiritual and emotional love, psychological attraction, physical affection, and mental love as a pure child of bliss.
Similarly, when your soul overrides your spirit, spiritual-emotional equilibrium is disturbed within. The soul becomes defensive, carnal, and controlling, and our pursuit of bliss is hindered.
The spirit is mind-driven and the soul is emotion-driven and even psychology and flesh-driven. When our soul is mainly carnally led, our spirit, misses its meaning and purpose in life, because our spirit is always pointed toward and exists exclusively for the divine love or love of mankind, whereas our soul can be mostly self-centered. The joy, comfort, and peace of bliss’s presence can only be experienced through our spirit. However, unredeemed, the soul can become a prison that holds back our maturity and spiritual growth.
The good news is, that we can each bring our souls to a place of rest. Spiritual-Emotional Equilibrium of spirit and soul comes when your soul is at rest and your spirit, which communicates with the soul, leads you forward towards the equilibrium point where Love-In-Love curves intersect.
The whole world is confused for a surprisingly modest-sounding reason: we don’t understand love – and yet we are rather convinced that we do.
We write and talk a lot about love of course, but generally, we do not understand the deeper meanings of its existence in our life.
The whole universe is made up of energy and at that level, everything is vibrating or oscillating at a specific frequency the Resonant Frequency. What does the universe vibrate at? Listening to a sound at 432 Hz is especially pleasing to the ear, and is said to reduce stress and promote emotional stability by putting you in sync with the “heartbeat of the Earth”.
The whole Creation constitutes the center of devoted love, where men and women are created physically, spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally to live together in blissful love.
The love between a husband and a wife must be, among other things, a love affair. However, a marriage based solely on erotic love will fail. The emotion of sexual love diminishes and diminishes. Healthy marriages will have a mix of Agape, Storge, Eros, Philia (Touch), Platonic love (Pure Love), and Anidiotelis Agape (True or Selfless love).
A Gradual Shift From Desire and Empathy to Compassion and Care
The Law of Reverse Effect is to state: “The greater the conscious effort, the less the subconscious response” that is the harder one consciously tries to do something, the more difficult it is to succeed; or “Whenever the will (conscious mind) and imagination (subconscious mind) are in conflict, the imagination (subconscious mind) always wins.
The law of reverse effect creates resistance to get us moving. So how could we overcome these things? First, it might be your desire. Desire is strong energy and can cut through resistance like a sharp knife.
What is the true meaning of desire? Desire means to have a longing for. Some common synonyms of desire are coveted, crave, want, and wish. It stresses the strength of feeling and often implies a strong intention or aim. An expressed wish; Something desired; A desire to start a new life.
Empathy is our feeling of awareness toward other people’s emotions and an attempt to understand how they feel.
Studies suggest that empathy while well-intentioned isn’t neutral. It’s even suggested that it can sometimes hurt more than help our relationships and our ability to lead effectively.
Empathy can make us unconsciously more sympathetic towards individuals we relate to more. This makes us less likely to connect with people whose experiences don’t mirror ours.
The answer to the inadequacy of desire and empathy is motivation. Motivation is everything in life!
As we see it, at the dawn of a new era, there are two main emerging spiritual-emotional forces or factors behind any individual’s endeavor in society as a whole in order to create and sustain motivation: Compassion and Care.
Compassion is an emotional response to empathy or sympathy and creates a desire to help.
“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”Plato
- Compassion (a motivating factor or positive affective stimulus based on emotional love) is an innate core ability for achieving someone’s goals by loving, helping, or supporting others that encourages someone to act towards the accomplishment of an aim or purpose and
- Fear of abandonment or rejection (a negative affective stimulus based on the impact of the fear of love) is a response to the above ability by the fear of acting in an uncompassionate way by making sacrifices in return for the benefit offered that triggers emotional reactions of discouraging an individual from performing an action”.
What Are The Types or Stages of Love?
6 Types or Stages of Love – Ladder of Love
The word “love” is a flexible term in the English language. It has several different meanings. Six unique words in ancient Greek describe the range of meaning the English word love conveys.
The following ladder of love consists of Six Types or Stages of Spiritual-Emotional-Psychological-Physical and Mental Love that are defined as:
|I. Agape: love of mankind, divine, spiritual love.|
|II. Storge: love of parents for children.|
|III. Eros: erotic, passionate love.|
|IV. Philia: love of friends and equals.|
|V. Platonic Eros or Agape: in touch, mental love; establish a rapport or relationship.|
|VI. Anidiotelis Agape: True or Selfless Love: perfect romantic love between people with an aligned belief system and common interests based on the equilibrium of strong spiritual desires and deep emotional needs.|
In Plato’s dialogue, The Symposium, the playwright Aristophanes suggests that the origin of love lies in the desire to complete ourselves by finding a long-lost “other half”.
Surprisingly he was right. Love in the ladder moves upward. In addition, even though all stages there exist to some degree, Eros is the nowadays dominant type or stage behind any human endeavor (the ladder of love in this article is differentiated from the original and reflects the personal views of the writer).
Being in love (Eros) with someone is psychologically charged in a way that relates to the human mind and feelings. Specifically, when you’re in love with someone, you feel a strong, almost inexplicable desire for that person. To love someone is to have a strong feeling of closeness and care for someone.
Eros actually is about asking for love (demanding love) and involves a loss of control with intense anticipation and nervousness while loving someone is about offering love (supplying love) where you feel happy, secure, and at ease with your partner.
Over or excess demands for love create fear, worry, and anxiety with reverse effects on humanity’s mental and physical health in general. As a result, balance is lost and society struggles to find purpose and meaning in life.
However, a new strong potential emerges gradually over time. A potential shift from stage three to stage two. From Eros to Storge which takes a new meaning as part of another way or an upgraded path to the core essence of love; blissful love.
But it does not happen easily and with no cost. The higher the steps, the more intellectual it is. To be able to climb the ladder, one must understand the previous steps thoroughly. It is designed to happen through stages, struggles, and lessons. Rewards are bigger though.
Agape as spiritual love lays at the top of the ladder as the beacon of the spiritual road to blissful love as the ultimate prize; the ultimate step for someone to conquer the knowledge of both the spiritual and emotional aspects of love; real and true love in unity; the uniqueness of love. The fulfillment of the desire to complete ourselves by finally finding the long-lost “other half”.
Anidiotelis Agape, Unconditional Love, Undistracted Love, and Filaftia (Self-love) ley at the roots of the ladder of love. Every other form or stage of love is built upon these core foundational archetypes of love.
History and Origin
Agape: (Spiritual love)
- Agape is defined as self-sacrificing human or personal love often conditional, or limited in nature. It is the love that focuses on the will, not the emotions, experiences, or libido based on aspects and conditions of possessive, demand, or expectation.
- Devine or spiritual love that is infinite.
Storge: (Emotional love) Storge refers to natural, family love. Storge refers to the kind of love a parent shows for a child.
Eros: (Psychological love) Eros is the word often used to express the sexual love or arousal feelings shared by people who are physically attracted to each other.
Definition of Eros: In Greek mythology, Eros. Ancient Greek: Ἔρως, ‘Desire’ is the Greek god of love, sexual desire, and physical love. The Romans called him Cupid, and he was thought to be the son of Aphrodite and Ares. He was one of the Erotes, a group of winged love gods.
Philia: (Physical love) Philia refers to brotherly love and is most often exhibited in a close friendship.
Platonic Eros or Mental Love: (Pure love) In Touch: Establish communication with someone. Involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction.
Anidiotelis Agape or True Love: (Selfless love) True love means that you have an unwavering, unbreakable, and unparalleled fondness and devotion for another.
True love is also defined by an immeasurably deep spiritual-emotional unity of spirit and soul into the wholeness of the higher self through self-love in a happy, passionate, and fulfilling relationship.
I. Agape – Spiritual Love
Definition of Love, Selfish, Selfless, or True Love
Agape constitutes the ultimate spiritual goal and the end of human existence as a biological entity by finally finding the long-lost “other half” and turning to wholeness!
According to Aristophanes in Plato’s dialogue, The Symposium, at the beginning of time, all people were hermaphrodites with double backs and sides, four arms and four legs, and two faces turned in opposite directions on the same head. Zeus had to cut them in two, male and female – and from that day on, each of us longed to be reunited in the place from which he was cut off.
What does selfish in love mean? Selfish Love is focused on getting what one can gain from their partner and the relationship. Selfless or True Love is about sacrificing everything for another and accepting the other without judgment. True love is gifted with foresight and knows that love evokes love.
Contrary to what we like to say and believe, the feeling of love doesn’t occur in our hearts, at least scientifically. Instead, it happens in our brain when we release hormones (oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone, estrogen, and vasopressin) that create a mix of feelings: euphoria, pleasure, or bonding. However true, fearless, or selfless love fills and occupies the heart.
We want others to live up to our expectations right now. Excessive wants can limit our happiness. But true love means giving people time to mature and grow, to go wrong, to wander in another direction, and to give them every opportunity to grow, at their own pace.
A genuinely healthy relationship based on pure emotions and feelings is a relationship that is not dominated by the ego by creating an image and searching for itself. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention to the person to whom there is absolutely no compulsion.
II. Storge – Emotional Love
Definition of Fear, Fearful and Fearless or Self-Love
Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others; the capacity to gain an accurate and deep understanding of your own self (insight).
Fear is an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. A state marked by this emotion. Anxious concern: solicitude. A reason for alarm: danger.
Whenever we enter into a love relationship with someone love is based upon our emotions of fears. Love is also defined by fear. It’s the underlying groundwork of any relationship even if it seems shocking and difficult to admit.
Another part of the fear of love is the risk of not responding to that feeling. People fall in love together, gradually, after spending time together. But it does not always work that way. One falls in love with the other, but the other does not reciprocate the feelings. Thus, a person can resist the development of these feelings. Unreciprocated love is tragic and the possibility of a one-way love affair can cause fear and prevent a person from letting those feelings grow at all.
Of course, the scariest thing about love can be its loss. Although this is the most obvious, and perhaps the most common, fear of love, it is also the most self-destructive, because the person ends up avoiding love for fear of losing it.
Remember that fear, when used properly, is a valuable emotion that can alleviate our urges to rush into a new situation if we want it to work for us and not against us. Drawing on Aristotle and the Stoic philosophers, we must recognize that excessive fear will prevent you from trying anything new while very little fear will make you fall in love very easily, a lot, and quickly, resulting in probably more pain in the long run. Ideally, fear should be used in conjunction with logic to decide if that danger is worth it.
Even prudence can go a long way because we do not want to be fooled, but neither should we be careful to the extent that we avoid life. And if, as many believe, love is an essential or an integral part of the meaning of life, and something that makes life and not mere existence, then the wisest thing to do is to overcome your fears, reject your reservations, pay attention only to love.
We should be almost done with romantic love now. We need to look at the challenge of this kind of love. However, it is not surprising that we are still just at the beginning, just starting on the road to being human.
Philophobia is a fear of falling in love. It can also be a fear of entering into a relationship or a fear that you will not be able to maintain a relationship. Many people experience a slight fear of falling in love at some point in their lives. But in extreme cases, philophobia can make people feel isolated and unloved.
Philophobia is not a condition that can be diagnosed by a doctor because it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). However, it can affect someone’s mental health negatively.
Potential Causes of Philophobia
The fear of falling in love has many potential causes, including:
Fear of losing identity
Fear of losing identity due to past experiences. Traumatic relationships of the past can contribute to the development of the fear of falling in love. Infidelity, betrayal, or frustration can make you stay away from romantic relationships. Other types of relationships can also cause fear, such as parental relationships and close friendships.
Fear of losing purpose and meaning
Fear of losing purpose and meaning due to cultural experiences. In some cultures, there is more pressure to marry at a young age under certain conditions. If one does not want to have this traditional experience, it can lead to philophobia.
Fear of abandonment or rejection
Fear of abandonment or rejection. Putting yourself out there can be scary. Studies show that rejection can have similar effects on the body as physical pain. Most people can overcome rejection, but if you have experienced enough painful rejections, the fear of another may stay with you.
III. Eros – Psychological or Unconditional Love
Unconditional love is to love others and ourselves much more authentically and generously; is an active choice to continue loving with no expectations or rewards. It serves a higher purpose (purposeful). Loving someone unconditionally may produce positive feelings. However, humanity has long been fascinated by the conflict between our noblest ideals and the most urgent and exciting demands of our sexual nature.
Sexual excitement is psychological. It’s not so much what our bodies happen to be doing that turns us on. It’s what’s happening in our brains. Acceptance is at the center of collective experiences and feels physical – the blood pumps faster, the metabolism shifts gear, the skin gets hot – but behind all this lies a sense of an end to our isolation.
We can only start to understand the role of sexuality in love if we can accept that it is not necessarily a uniquely pleasant experience in and of itself. Nevertheless, sex with our lover can be one of the nicest things we ever do.
The reason is that sex delivers a major psychological thrill. The pleasure we experience has its origin in an idea: that of being allowed to do a very private thing to and with another person. The mutual permission involved in sex is dramatic and large. We’re implicitly saying to another person that we have granted them an extraordinary privilege.
The person who loves us sexually does something properly redemptive. They stop making a distinction between the different sides of who we are. They can see that we are the same person all the time. That our gentleness or dignity in some situations isn’t fake. Through sexual love, we have the chance to solve one of the deepest, problems of human nature which is how to be accepted for who we are.
In general, at least western culture requires us to present rigorously crafted versions of ourselves to others. It asks us to be cleaner, purer, and more polite versions of what we might otherwise be. Demand has quite high internal costs. Important aspects of our character are pushed into the shadows.
At times it may feel frustrating, but it’s pretty empowering to accept the fact that the only person we have any true control over in a relationship is ourselves. Therefore, we can choose whether to engage in behaviors that are destructive to intimacy or authenticity to take actions that express feelings of love, compassion, affection, respect, and kindness.
To forgive is to know that we are, in our way, as guilty as the others. But that is no reason forever to withhold love. We learn to forgive when we’re brave enough to explore the darker sides of our hearts.
Some people believe that they do not deserve to be desired by someone else. And even though they are attracted to someone and the feeling is mutual, they can not let themselves express themselves. The reasons why people have such sad thoughts can be many. It is not uncommon to have a false self-image or low self-esteem. Sometimes they also had negative experiences with an ex-partner who held them down and made them feel unloved or rejected.
Love means, above anything else, benevolence and gentleness. Love it’s about directing sympathy in a most unexpected direction. To love is to devote an active charity towards the mistakes and aberrations. One day, we will all require the charity of others. In one way or another, we will need people to look past our evident failings.
IV. Philia – Physical or Undistracted Love (not carnal)
Undistracted love means learning to capture the deeper spiritual meaning as a responsible answer (meaningful) by receiving unconditional love as your higher purpose in life. Receiving unconditional love can also make a difference in emotional well-being.
We love people who promise that they will in some way help to make us whole. At the center of our feelings, there is gratitude at having found someone who seems to complement our qualities and dispositions. It is really important to make us feel appreciated and accepted as we are and not to pretend to be what others want us to be.
To love means being loyal to people with steadfastness and an unbudgeable resilient faith. Friendliness is a quality of openness and warmth that makes you feel welcome and at ease.
One way to get a sense of why love should matter so much is to look at the challenges of loneliness. The pains of loneliness are an unembarrassing and universal possibility. We shouldn’t feel lonely. Unwittingly, loneliness gives us the most eloquent insights into why love should matter so much.
In addition, when we are alone, people may well strive to show us care or kindness. There may be invitations and touching gestures, but it will be hard to escape from a background sense of the conditionality of the interest and care on offer.
One of the more surprising and at one level perplexing aspects of love is that we don’t merely wish to admire and respect other people. We are also powerfully drawn to want to attract them (friendly and not sexually). The birth of physical love is normally signaled by what is in reality a hugely weird act; two different people feel mutually attracted just to be friends and nothing more. Communication, mutual respect, and understanding become essential to creating and maintaining this kind of platonic relationship.
Often, even in a platonic type relationship, we love at least in part in the hope of being helped and redeemed by others becoming through their help better versions of ourselves. Love contains just below the surface a hope for personal redemption: a solution to certain blocks and confusions. We shouldn’t expect to get there all by ourselves. Love promises to educate us in a very different way. Through other people, our development can start in a far more welcoming and energizing way with deep excitement and desire.
V. In Touch – Platonic or Pure Love (no Romantic or Sexual Attraction)
Platonic love is a type of love that is not sexual or romantic. The idea of platonic love has its roots in ancient Greek philosophy. The word “platonic” comes from the famous philosopher, writer, and speaker Plato, who outlined specific categories of love in his famous work “Symposium.” Though the philosopher never used the term himself.
Platonic love happens when two people have a special bond where they deeply care for and respect each other, and share similar interests and values, but they don’t pursue things romantically.
There will be a deep, often unconditional, pure love. Platonic love is what we feel when there is trust, safety, and validation in a close relationship. It’s the sense of feeling good and cared for in a relationship.
Plato believed that love is the motivation that leads one to try to know and contemplate beauty in itself through a gradual process that begins with an appreciation of the appearance of physical beauty and then moves on to an appreciation of spiritual beauty.
Platonic Love; Spiritual – Mental Love Equilibrium
For Plato, love is not in itself an end, but only a means to achieve the supreme concept of beauty. The first step is physical; the senses unleash eros (the love that enters through the senses and compels one to approach someone). In this stage, love is still physical.
Plato does not reject the physical dimension of love, to reach the supreme concept of beauty which is actually to reach a state of perfect happiness, oblivious of everything else just because it actually apprehends the form of beauty, in a kind of vision that raises happiness.
The deeper meaning of platonic love: “is the spiritual love that enters through the eyes and compels one to approach someone (or something) as a ladder in which love climbs up a series of steps to reach the peak of a supreme idea (spiritual-mental equilibrium) that is a passionate, pure, and disinterested knowledge of the essence of the beauty of love”.
Characteristics of platonic relationships include:
- Bonding over shared interests and beliefs
VI. Anidiotelis Agape – True or Selfless love
Anidiotelis Agape (true or selfless love) is at the root of the ladder and constitutes the core essence of love. Love for love itself; An individual sees the beauty in its form and loves the beauty of love as it is. Every particular beautiful thing is beautiful because of its connection to this form.
Agape as the supreme concept of beauty
Agape (spiritual love) is at the top of the love ladder mentioned above as the supreme concept of beauty that also describes the concept of the essence of the state of Bliss Equilibrium in the best possible way.
This is a delicate state of spirit and soul unifying through the heart, throughout the various stages of love, towards the ultimate goal of Bliss Equilibrium; a constant search for the knowledge on how to learn to gradually appreciate the essence and the glory of the nature of higher-self through self-love (philaftia – Greek word that means: to make friends with yourself – raising self-esteem) and its ultimate unity with spirit and the whole creation through true love (into wholeness).
Blissful love equilibrium
Blissful love equilibrium is where the spirit through the heart identifies and appreciates its spiritual-emotional-psychological and physical unity with the soul into wholeness through Self-awareness (the ultimate common space of Self-reflection, Self-inspection, Self-introspection, and Self-recognition).
- Self-awareness: is the experience of one’s own personality or individuality; is how an individual consciously knows and understands their own character, behavior, feelings, motives, desires, and needs.
- Self-reflection: refers to giving thought to one’s character and behavior; a reflective looking inward: an examination of one’s own thoughts and feelings.
- Self-inspection: is the process that relies on the observation of one’s mental state; is the experience of one’s own personality or character and motives.
- Self-introspection: the ability to witness and evaluate our own cognitive, emotional, and behavioral processes.
- Self-recognition: knowledge and understanding of one’s nature or character; insight into one’s personality.
Mind – Soul – Spirit – Body connection through the heart; the heart is the intersection point of spiritual-emotional, psychological-physical, and spiritual-mental axes.
The steps toward blissful love equilibrium
- Spiritual love is offering love to self and others that derive from the spirit and emotional love is accepting love from self and others that comes from the soul; they both meet at the spiritual-emotional love equilibrium point (1).
- Unconditional and Undistracted love both come from the mind and body; They reflect life’s purpose and meaning aiming at the well-being and mental health through the right mentality and the appropriate behavior of an individual: they both meet at the psychological-physical love equilibrium point (2).
- Blissful love equilibrium comes through the meeting of the equilibrium points (1) and (2) at the spiritual-mental love equilibrium point (3).
The adjustment of their alignment is manifested through the love-in-love equilibrium point by giving and receiving love and is felt right there in the center of the heart where the three love equilibrium points coincide into wholeness as great happiness, joy, contentment, fulfillment, and bliss.
A great shift in consciousness – Happiness vs. Fulfillment
Aristotle said, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim, and end of human existence.”
What is the real meaning of happiness? Happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, and satisfaction. While happiness has many different definitions, it is often described as involving positive emotions and life satisfaction. Real happiness comes from within; inner peace greatly comes from having love and compassion in life.
To distinguish between these two meanings, we use “utility” as usefulness in love to refer to the greatest good for an individual (from his/her point of view) that receives from consuming a good and “happiness” to refer to the opposite positive feeling of enjoying a good.
“Benefit” as helpfulness in love besides the physical health benefits, being in love works wonders for mental health as well. Love, marriage, and overall well-being reduce stress, which also strengthens the immune system. It provides meaning, contentment, and fulfillment in life.
However, the spiritual love-in-love equilibrium point toward blissful love equilibrium by giving and receiving love constitutes a great shift in human consciousness into a new paradigm:
From usefulness to helpfulness and then to powerfulness. From purpose and meaning of life to possession of controlling influence among all the loving souls of the society as a whole. A shift from self-esteem to compassion as core abilities and from respect to care as a response to those abilities. An upliftment from love equilibrium to blissful love equilibrium.
How Spiritual-Emotional Love Equilibrium Is Sustained?
Maintaining spiritual-emotional love equilibrium
Maintaining spiritual-emotional love equilibrium comes with a deep understanding of the gain and loss that exists from a spiritual point of view. The rules that apply to spiritual gain and loss are hardly the same as those viewed from a carnal perspective. Sustaining spiritual-emotional love equilibrium requires us to understand how the principles of this nature apply in our everyday lives.
Spiritual-emotional love equilibrium allows us to understand spiritual wisdom and love toward us. If reasoned carnally it doesn’t make any logical sense. It is also a means by which we know there is a reward reserved for us despite the long-suffering we may face in life. The following instances described below help us understand in more depth how spiritual-emotional love equilibrium is sustained:
Maintaining spiritual cleanliness
Spiritual cleanliness looks at what is in our hearts and spirits. If we possess a clean heart and a spirit then we are rewarded. Equilibrium is maintained in spiritual cleanliness by the mere fact that we cannot die from the physical. Equilibrium is also maintained here by the fact that our true death is not by the loss of life but by the loss of our soul. Death is not the fear of spiritual cleanliness but a chance for a change in a higher realm of existence.
This means acting in accord with the personal belief systems, values, or morals free from guilt. Seeking “Righteousness” implies trying to reach a state of moral integrity and honesty; it is not self-righteousness, judging oneself by one’s standards.
Looking beneath the surface
To love with imagination is to look beneath the surface and to picture the suffering and pain that got you to this place. To love with imagination is to put yourself in the place of others and understand why they are behaving as they do. Imaginative love knows that we are all, somewhere, desperate therefore it seeks out the source of that desperation and treats it with sorrowful gentleness.
Operating with a degree of politeness
We must operate with a degree of politeness too. A radical change of our true selves is the price we must pay for conviviality. We have to accept too that much of who we are won’t readily be understood. Some of our deepest concerns will be met with blank incomprehension, boredom, or fear. Most people won’t care at all and our deeper thoughts will get no interest.
Spotting personal inadequacies
We do not all fall in love with the same people because we are not all missing the same things. The aspects we find desirable in our partners speak of what we admire but do not have secure possession of in ourselves. We may be powerfully drawn to the competent person because we know how our own lives are held up by a lack of confidence and because it suggests the balancing quality to our own excessively compliant view of the world. Our inadequacies explain the direction of our tastes and choices.
Working within yourself
The good news is that yes, you can beat fear. But you have to be willing to work with yourself and remove the blocks in your mind. Most fears are related to negative experiences from your past. If you have frustrations If you have experienced injuries or shocking experiences in previous relationships, you need to deal with them in the first step to experience new love in the second step. To do this, it may sometimes be helpful to have a life coach or psychologist involved.
Learning to love yourself
Realize that you are unique and wonderful – just as you are here, right now. You are perfect this second and no matter what you do, think, or feel, you will always be precious and lovable. In addition, you should avoid dealing with people who tell you otherwise. Anyone who says that you are not worthy of receiving love should no longer be in the close circle of your friends or acquaintances. Because you deserve it!
Living from your heart
Do you live each day as you wish from your heart? Or do invisible forces seem to be preventing you from achieving your goals? And do you often encounter difficulties with your fellow human beings who always show the same patterns?
Learning to love unconditionally
There’s a reason people have been studying human emotion for centuries. However, it can seem like a pretty complicated topic. But if we boil it down to the basics—to love and fear of love—then we realize what living in a state of love can do for our lives, and we can start to unravel the mysteries of human thought and emotion, to create a better life for ourselves.
But, how can we develop the optimism and positivity that love requires?
- Start with the end in mind. What does a loving version of you look like? Try to ask yourself: What would you do if you were not afraid? Revealing the answer to this question can help you discover strong motivation.
- Be aware of your fear. What scary thoughts are you having right now? How often do you have them? Are they triggered by something specific? Understanding your fears will only help you as you work to dispel them.
- Plan your thoughts. Your thoughts have power. Fear of love comes from your thoughts. If you can help yourself think of thoughts that bring you to a state of love, you will find yourself in that place.
- Use positive affirmations. Positive affirmations are an excellent tool for anyone trying to think more positively about themselves or the world around them. If you want to know more about writing effective positive affirmations for yourself, read this.
Life as reality is a state of consciousness having substance or existence based on the duality principle (action-reaction) through critical thinking, the equivalence principle (ability-responsibility) through analytical thinking, and the equality principle (cause-effect) through the combined (subjective-objective) intellectual and behavioral characteristics of analytical thinking (problem analysis, data analysis, and Judgment).
Consciousness is a cognitive or behavioral system that is mainly based on the duality principle: that is a state of the interaction of two opposite or competing divided concepts or groups such as feeling and emotion, spirit and soul, spirituality and carnality, self and the others through the critical way of thinking.
Duality means the quality or state of having two different forces or elements love and fear of love in order to create a spiritual-emotional closeness. That is to motivate people to work to stay consciously in a place of love rather than in a place of fear.
Duality is woven into the very fabric of life for a reason: to teach people that every aspect of life is created through a balance interaction of opposite and competing forces or elements of love and fear (of love) and how to elevate the ladder of love through free will and choice.
Love (bid to help) is an active force a positive affective stimulus that triggers joy and pleasure as a cause for change. Fear of love (ask for help) is a reactive force a negative affective stimulus that triggers emotions of fear and displeasure in order to sustain change.
The Equivalence Principle equates an emotion to a feeling through the analytical way of thinking by equating a qualitative measure of love (as a condition) to ability and a quantitive measure of fear of love (as a property, quality, or characteristic) to a response-to-ability by subjective problem and data analysis, and reasonable justification.
The Equality Principle turns and equates an ability to a cause and a response-to-ability to an effect by objective problem and data analysis, and reasonable justification.
In this way through the above principles and ways of thinking by equating love as action-reaction forces with ability as a cause and fear of love with response-to-ability as an effect, a new common equilibrium point is attained.
However, fear itself is not a sign of negativity or weakness but a sign of how much someone cares. Scientists find evidence that human beings are born with an innate desire to help others.
The innate desire to complete ourselves by helping others until finding the long-lost other half (as Plato suggests) as a mechanism on the road to blissful love that actually reflects the supreme concept of beauty as the ultimate prize, is the ladder of love through constant empowerment and upliftment of human consciousness.
Inner peace means finding your peace of mind by attaining happiness, contentment, and bliss no matter how difficult things get in your life; it reflects the equilibrium point of self-visualization – self conceptualization (action-reaction), self-inspection – self-introspection (ability-responsibility) and self-actualization – self-imagination (cause-effect) by following the basic principle of the golden mean.
This is only possible through the spirit-soul-mind-body connection through the intersection equilibrium point of the spiritual-emotional-mental-physical axes at the center of the heart. The constant adjustment of their alignment is the love-in-love equilibrium point through the love-in-love curves by giving and receiving love (help).
Ps. In order to better comprehend the important concepts of this significant topic here is an example: Just imagine a sailing boat where love is the wind that blows. The fear of love is its sails. The equilibrium point is the imaginary alignment of the angle of the craft, the sails, and the rudder as the touching point with the surface of the water so as to push the sailing boat forward. Resilience is the character, the quality, and the endurance of the craft against unexpected weather conditions and the fury of the waves of the sea. Behavior is the compass that always points toward the blissful equilibrium of love as the port of the ultimate destination. The skills of the captain in order to keep the craft on the right track are also equally important to the appropriate path, the experience of the adventure of the trip, and the final destination. It is easier though for the captain to try paths with calm waters and not to go against the wind. However, without wind and sails, the craft doesn't move at all. This is the central idea and the significant point that we have to keep in mind: No love means no wind and no change; no fear means no sailing and no movement; that further means no port and no tranquility; no purpose and no meaning of life; a missed opportunity to find the port of the blissful equilibrium of love in this lifetime; But there is no reason to worry. A missed opportunity is not a lost cause but a chance for spiritual upliftment on the ladder of love. According to Plato the ultimate destination of humanity is the knowledge of the essence of beauty and not the love itself. That is to apprehend the form of beauty in a kind of vision. Visualization is a picture of the mind. Conceptualization is the formation of an idea. Imagination is a mental faculty and is beyond conceivable. In this sense, the essence of the beauty of love is to acknowledge that conceptualization, visualization, and imagination all come together in order to become a whole; What we do not conceive with our senses is also another form of reality as long as we can imagine it as an idea in a form that we choose from. This is an elevated state of consciousness where we become able to overcome our doubts, worries, and fears and consciously sense the true, the real, and the authentic all at once; that is to finally apprehend the essence of the beauty of love in its all forms at once that's actually the beauty of the knowledge of the essence of love in all its forms. The beauty of the knowledge and acceptance of the essence of self and others with no distinction and judgment; by expressing freely our uniqueness, and the authenticity of ourselves, and by accepting with gratitude coincidences (the coincidental occurrence of events) in our life as synchronicities (the occurrence of meaningful coincidences that seem to have no cause) by understanding that everything happens for a reason; as omens of always being on the right path by being in sync with the “heartbeat of the Earth” that is actually the sound of spiritual love at the top of the ladder of love; this is exactly where our earthly reality vibrates at; at that level, we just have to learn how to be spiritually selfish that is to focus on ourselves during our spiritual awakening so that we can raise our vibration and become a conscious co-creator of our own earthly reality!